New Jersey Libertarian Party

The Party of Principle

Wildwood Fashion Police Strike - Lets Strike Back

Wildwood DemonstrationNew fashion statements are often not accepted by the majority - including me. We have all seen the kid walking down the street with his pants down below his butt and his underwear showing. When the fashion started I would often remark to kids - "Your pants are falling down!" For some reason I was always ignored. Such differences in fashion sense are often accompanied by differences in generations, ethnicities, and musical tastes.

Last night, the Wildwood Board of Commissioners have decided to ban the wearing of baggy pants on the boardwalk. These three old white guys have made the first offense a fine of up to $100. A second offense carries a fine of $200. Community service can also be forced upon these dangerous criminals.

Mayor Troiano has over stepped the role of government and his authoritiy as Mayor. It is not the government's business to dictate fashion.This ban is an attack on the youth and the way they wish to express themselves. This law criminalizes behavior that harms no one.

On July 5th a Saggy Pants Law protest is being planned. As someone who has never before had the desire to embrace this new fashion I've done some research. Here is how to sag:

  • Get a pair of pants that are too big for you. They don't need to be huge - just a size or two bigger.
  • Get a pair of really nice boxer shorts. Be careful here though - too satiny and they become slippery and may contribute to a wardrobe malfunction. You may want to wear the boxers over another pair of underwear. Bonus points if your boxers express a desire for freedom!
  • Find a belt that is adjustable. A leather one with holes may not work well because the holes may not land where you want them.
  • Lower the pants until they are either across your buttocks or slightly below and tighten that belt up.

The fear of a wardrobe malfunction can be alleviated by us newbies by adding in some safety pins or even suspenders.

 

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